just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
