Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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