Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
