yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
