Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
