You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
