I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
