dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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