I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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