he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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