all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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