i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
