he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
