I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
