She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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