I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
