I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
