Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
