have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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