be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
