theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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