I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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