Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
