I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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