i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
