***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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