i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
