Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just found a bag of teeth...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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