you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
