I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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