You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
