I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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