Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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