he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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