why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
