btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have tasted many bathrooms
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
