y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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