Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
