i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
