It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
