Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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