I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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