Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
