We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
