She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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