im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
