You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
