Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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