Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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