will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
