he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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