You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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