i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
