I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
